SPOILER ALERT!
If I may begin this recap with the classic Australian proclamation that must be uttered before any impending showdown, fight, bout, tussle, contretemps, punch on, ‘av-a-go, biffo, barney, blue, whether verbal, physical and particularly political in nature…
It’s on.
Oh, it is ON.
You can’t just do your best Lord Voldemort impersonation and “kill the spare” without expecting return fire, Greens.
You don’t just take away a precious baby like Lucerys without expecting vengeance incarnate to come down on you harder than gym junkie seagull on a creatine chip.
Sure, it’s possible it was the most colossal f***-up since the Lord Mayor of Pompeii told the citizenry that everything was fine with Vesuvius and they should perhaps try a bit of yoga at home to relax.
“I know they said to hold the pose, but this is ridiculous!”
But it is still ON.
The rage on Queen Rhaenyra’s face in that final shot of the episode was deeply, gloriously, majestically inspiring and pants-wettingly terrifying.
You haven’t seen a more impressive about-face since Elon Musk said he would be good for Twitter.
After last week’s Greens-focused episode, Season 1 of House of the Dragon concluded with an all-Blacks episode (but not a member of the New Zealand rugby team in sight).
This week, it’s Rhaenyra, Daemon, their kids, Sexy Erryk Not Arryk and a ragtag bunch of supporters - plus a reasonable number of dragons, it must be said - against the world.
We recognise now why we had the somewhat-criticised time jumps, the seemingly rapid aging of generations.
We needed the characters to get to this point, so the GOOD stuff can happen. And by the GOOD stuff, I of course mean the BAD stuff.
Looking back, every scene featuring Lucerys this episode is now bittersweet, particularly the opening one in which the little tacker expresses his anxiety about becoming Lord of Driftmark if his Grandzaddy Corlys dies.
“He’s a badass sailor, Mum, and I puke getting onboard,” he complains, and BRO, I am WITH YOU. My father is a retired marine pilot. His father was a WW2 Polish naval officer. HIS father ran a trading company sailing Hong Kong to Vladivostok routes. Apparently HIS father was some sort of seaman as well (wa-hay). The nautical gene runs generations back; even my brother loves boats and works with them in a professional capacity.
Me? Sea legs up to HERE, baby. Puke-a-rama.
Of course, we can also recognise a deeper worry coursing through the little lord’s (mostly legitimate kinda) blood. Remember his plaintive sorrow when told of his birthright by Sea Snakey back in the “Driftmark” episode?
It turns out the poor little bugger was too worried about everyone else, and not enough for himself. He even calls Rhaenyra “perfect”, which she has the grace to laugh at and remind him she is in not.
She reminds him she was scared of her birthright too, but her father Viserys helped prepare her for leadership, and she will do the same for Lucerys. Really surprised there wasn’t a thunderclap of foreboding.
The tender moment is interrupted with the arrival of Princess Rhaenys, fresh from her spectacular exit from King’s Landing.
She seeks an urgent meeting with Rhaenyra and Daemon to tell them KIng Viserys is dead, and Aegon has been crowned his successor.
Neither party takes this news well. Daemon immediately blames Alicent for murdering his brother, which seems a tad overblown considering Daemon only just recently saw how VISERYS’ FACE HAD CAVED IN ON HIM.
He also demands to know why Rhaenys didn’t “burn them all” (hey look, family catchphrase), which was frankly the question on all of our lips after last episode, and The Queen Who Never Was shows has the simplest and best answer.
The overall impact of this news is considerably worse for Rhaenyra though, as the shock kickstarts early labour.
Remember all those years ago, when Queen Aemma told Rhaenyra that as royal women their bodies were their battlefields? How starkly we were reminded of that as Rhaenyra paced her chambers, barefoot on the stone floor, groaning and pushing away offerings of comfort from her midwives.
Did she know from the moment the babe kicked untimely soon that this, her sixth enterprise of birth, was doomed? Certainly she snapped at the Maester who whispered that it was too early; then called for her sons to attend her.
Poor Jase and Luke - hearing that their pappy Viserys has died from their now-Queenly mother, gripped by savage contractions, must have been quite the shock. I’m impressed they managed to stay relatively straight-faced through the meeting.
They ask where Daemon is, which is a top notch question. “Gone to madness,” Rhaenyra answers. “Gone to plot his war.” She’s no doubt a bit pissed at him, and instructs her boys - particularly her heir Jase - to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid until she’s back in command.
t’s good timing, as Daemon had been busily ignoring his niece/wife’s cries of agony and assembling the start of a war council with a bunch of loyalists. He declares he will personally fly to Riverrun to ensure the support of the Tullys, but Jase like-hell-you-wills him.
Back in the birthing suite, things are going from bloody troubling to just bloody. Rhaenyra refuses all assistance, and with a strength of will that surely no man could muster, reaches inside her own body and pulls the child’s stuck head out.
I mean, I didn’t even think that would be physically POSSIBLE. My knowledge of the whole pregnancy/childbirth process is limited, but the word “tear” comes up a lot, both in the amount of crying one does, but also in the very real likelihood of… well, um, how do I say this… “undergoing an emergency expansion of the exit area”.
Rhaenyra then sags back against the wall, and after a really unpleasant-sounding rush of blood, lets the kid slide out onto the stone floor.
All of that strength, all of that no-drugs-used pain… and the poor babe is lifeless.
Rhaenyra’s maids weren’t the only ones turning away in abject horror. I almost gagged. It was always going to be tough to match poor Aemma’s enforced Baelonarian section from the first episode, but that hooo-boy, that sure did it.
The difference here is that Rhaenyra survives. Was her mother’s experience in her mind? Did she make the call to refuse help, lest she also end up on the wrong end of a knife?
She loses the baby, but saves her own life. That’s more than can be said for Aemma - and for her cousin Laina. A tragic victory over the vicious beast of biology.
Daemon looks in on her, sitting and rocking the child’s body, looking out over the sea. He doesn’t make himself known, and instead goes to feel emotions by himself at the water’s edge. Rhaenyra takes great care in wrapping her child in bandages, weeping and watched solemnly by her midwives and the Silent Sisters.
We next see the royal pair mourning at a tiny pyre set into the majestic stone cliffs, the body of the baby in smoking ash. Was this later that same day? Did Rhaenyra not even get one day to physically recover from such a traumatic experience? And they say a woman isn’t strong enough to rule?
Frankly, how was she even WALKING after that ordeal? I’ve been in a moonboot with a fractured ankle for most of this series, and the prospect of standing up after the injury first happened was excruciating. How the hell do you manage it when you’ve just had to perform an emergency extraction on your own genitals.
Either way, it’s mad props to Rhaenyra from me for being as composed as she was, and I really hope there was a moment we didn’t see where someone dosed her up with codeine and icepacks.
As the funeral concludes, a Whitecloak climbs the rocky promontory? It’s Erryk-not-Arryk, aka the GOOD Kingsguard twin.
He kneels before Rhaenyra and offers her Viserys’ crown, which he must have nicked before hustling Rhaenys out of the Red Keep before Aegon’s coronation. He pledges allegiance to the “True Queen”, and Daemon places the golden crown on his wife’s head.
The assembled crowd of nobles, maesters, and soldiers follow Erryk’s lead, bending the knee to the rightful ruler of the Seven Kingdoms. It was so cute seeing Baela and Rhaena, followed by Jace, Luke and Joffrey, all take a bow.
The only one who doesn’t is Princess Rhaenys, standing up the back looking as boss-ass as she did staring down Alicent. I assume by some quirk of family law she didn’t have to kneel, and I’m so glad. Two wonderful female characters looking at each other over a field of kneeling man. Ahhh, glorious, sweeping mise en scene.
Still, one can’t stand around looking regal for too long, there are plans to be laid, and… wait for it… the GIANT PAINTED TABLE ILLUMINATION SYSTEM!
I tell you what, the phrase “light a fire under it” never looked so good. What a fantastic piece of design, slotting those racks of candles underneath the carved table to add drama and dimension to the map of Westeros. We never saw those deployed in Game of Thrones. Clearly somebody lost the instruction manual and allen key. And what a brilliant overhead zoom out shot to show off the full vision, and the soaring musical accompaniment made it quite the breathtaking moment.
Daemon announces Rhaenyra, and once again everybody but Rhaenys bows their head. There’s a great moment when the new Queen walks forward and her guard of four soldiers step forward to move with her, and Rhaenyra has to put her hand out to reassure them.
Her niece and soon-to-be daughter-in-law Rhaena looks set to be her cupbearer, and Rhaenyra accepts her offering of wine after a moment’s hesitation. Baela also leaves Rhaenys’ side to join the rest of the immediate family around the painted table.
And with that, Rhaenyra begins. “What is our standing?”
I was not expecting a five minute discussion about soldier numbers, defences, alliances and risks to be quite as captivating as it was, but I guarantee me rehashing it will be very dull. So let’s just highlight the most important points:
Dragonstone is secure
Pretty sure House Stark will come on board, but House Baratheon could be tricky
The Riverlands are key
Corlys Velaryon is sailing to Dragonstone and Rhaenys says only he will declare their side
The sound of big heavy chess pieces plonking about on that table is incredibly satisfying
What’s even more impressive is Daemon follows up with a comprehensive rundown of all the dragons the Blacks have - 13 to the Greens’ 4 (There’s a great tilt of the head by Rhaenys when Daemon includes Melys in that number). Rhaenyra is more cautious; she warns that none of their dragons have been to war, and the riderless ones would need to find riders.
But Daemon is certain: they get all their allies to Harrenhal, cut off the capital, send in the dragons and burn out the Greens. It’s a good plan, a solid plan, a workable plan.
GULP.
Daemon’s mad flow is interrupted by a messenger alerting them to the arrival of a ship flying a green three-headed dragon sigil. Honestly, you’ve got to admire Otto Hightower’s speed in getting the resident seamstresses of the Red Keep to stitch up flags with the new branding so quickly.
Daemon’s response is to grab his sword and declare “Alert the watchtowers; sight the skies”, which I am now stealing to use anytime somebody warns me of something incoming. “Sight the skies” is such a badass way of saying “Look up”.
It’s either sunset or sunrise when Daemon and his greeting party welcome Ser Otto and his crew - including Ser Arryk, the BAD Whitecloak twin - on one of the high walkways approaching the castle. When he demands to know where the “Princess” is, Syrax makes her appearance right on cue, flying in to land behind Otto’s party, cutting them off.
“I’m Queen Rhaenyra now,” she sniffs at Otto.
The Hand of the (Wrong) King then delivers Alicent’s terms, which basically keeps the status quo of Viserys’ realm, cuts out Rhaenyra’s succession, and gives her and Daemon’s sons nice intern positions back at King’s Landing.
“I would rather feed my sons to the dragons than have them bear shields and cups for your drunken, usurper c*** of a king,” Daemon drawls, once again winning best line of the episode.
But Otto is not deterred. “Listen Blondie, Aegon Two is kitted out with all of Aegon One’s finest kit, so everybody believes he’s the best bloke for it. Besides, Stark, Tully and Baratheon are all going to sign up for Greens subscriptions after general offers from club HQ.”
“Like HELL, bitch,” Rhaenyra responds, reminding Otto that they all pledged to support her back when Viserys named her as key striker to watch.
“Pfffft.” Otto goes back to that old chestnut of sexual preference.”Um, Westeros is a BOYS’ league, and you’re a GIRL, so you can’t even GO here.”
“Well, you’re a stupid traitor stupid-head, and I’m ripping off your Hand of the King badge and totally tossing it over the wall and now you’ll be inconvenienced for several days while some goldsmith makes you a new one, so there.”
Side note here - as things get tense there’s a lovely cutaway moment of Ser Arryk and Ser Erryk sizing each other up from behind their respective bosses. The tragedy of twins separated by loyalties in a civil war - it’s a reminder that the Targaryen family won’t be the only one torn apart by this upcoming Dance of Dragons.
Otto pulls his trump card, which is the discarded page of the Westeros histories Rhaenyra tore from the book Alicent was reading all those years ago - the one about the fearsome Queen of the Rhoynar, Nymeria. Bitch sure knows how to tug on those heartstrings, and despite the epic betrayal of her friend, Rhaenyra’s heart is still well and truly tugged by the memory of a simpler time, when they were friends reading and chatting in the godswood.
Daemon of course is sick of the chit chat and starts talking proper smack, leading to a swords-drawn stand-off with Syrax roaring disapproval. “No!” says Rhaenyra. I’ll give you my answer tomorrow, she tells Otto, and storms off.
Back at the Illuminated Map Table, Daemon reminds Rhaenyra of his “foolproof” plan to put their MANY dragons up against the Greens’ LESS MANY dragons - and it’s here we start seeing Rhaenyra hesitate. Not in a bad way, mind, but in a reasoned, measured way. She reminds those assembled when dragons go to war everything burns, and she doesn’t much want to be a queen of ash and bone.
Now THAT’S a familiar phrase, isn’t it, kittens? Back in series 7, Daenerys Stormborn once said something very similar.
This sparks speculation she might be considering the Hightowers’ terms, which angers Daemon. He sees this issue far more simply - Rhaenyra has been insulted and usurped, and there is only one response.
It emboldens him to back-talk the Queen in front of everyone. “Clear the room,” Rhaenyra responds, without even flinching. I tell you what, Emma D’Arcy has the gift of stillness in her acting. She stared him right down and flat out accused him of being too horny for war. (Warny? Too soon?)
He bluffs and says it’s all about protecting her honour, but she reminds him she has more to think about than their personal ambitions - she is thinking of the Song of Ice and Fire prophecy too.
This next move was strange and sudden for a supposedly respectful husband. Daemon grabs her by the throat and demands she not be a slave to omens and portents like Viserys was, squeezing a confused Rhaenyra to get the message across. “Dreams didn’t make us kings, dragons did,” he says, before releasing his wife.
“He didn’t tell you,” Rhaenyra realises, rubbing the breath back into her throat.
I’m obviously not a FAN of Daemon physically assaulting his wife like that, but I think contextually it works to show the flaw which is the exact reason WHY Viserys never told his brother. Daemon is all about visible demonstrations of power - well, that and being a chaos agent. Stealing an egg back in episode 2, personally going in to cut down the Crabfeeder in The Stepstones, even forcing two Whitecloaks to renew their pledge to Rhaenyra under threat of Caraxes’ fire earlier in this episode - it’s all “I’m in charge because I have the biggest… dragon.”
Viserys was a dreamer, and sure, that’s often used as a pejorative when it comes to taking action and ruling. But sometimes you need the dreamers, or the big thinkers, to see further along the path. Viserys passed this nuance and respect of history and lore to Rhaenyra, because he trusted she would get it. Daemon would never get it. Realising his beloved brother kept something from him makes Daemon respond the only way he knows how to - with a show of force. The fact that as he leaves Rhaenyra alone he picks up his sword on the way out is the visual capstone of that internal driver.
And that’s your homespun Mother of Kittens psychoanalysis for Daemon.
Meanwhile somewhere either on his ship or in a guest chamber somewhere, Lord Corlys Velaryon sluggishly regains consciousness, only to find his dear wife glowering at him.
Rhaenys is not impressed that her dreadlocked lover buggered off just when Laina and Laenor had died and she - and their granddaughters - needed him. The Sea Snake says he needed something to take his mind off losing that whole “failed push for the Iron Throne” thing, to which Rhaenys responds “And what am I, chopped liver?!”.
Despite her annoyance, Rhaenys still gives Corlys a sponge-bath, which is more than what he deserves. Still, she gets to break the news to him of Everybody Loves Vaemond’s spectacular beheading, which he takes reasonably in stride, muttering “Heedless ambition has always been a Velaryon weakness.”
The Sea Snake seems to resolve that as a couple, it’s time to retire back to Driftmark and let the Targaryens fight it out amongst themselves. But Rhaenys reminds him Jase, Luke and Joff won’t be safe while Aegon II is king. Corlys makes a reasonable point that their mother, Rhaenyra, is complicit in Laenor’s death and is pretty much a walking scorched earth policy. Rhaenys, who’s been witness to the change in Rhaenyra while her husband’s been off cavorting with sailors again, seems almost pleased to tell him that currently Rhaenyra is the best hope they’ve all got against an all-out nuclear detonation.
It’s evidently enough to convince Lord Corlys, for he makes his way to the map room and pledges House Velaryon and its fleet to Rhaenya, saying the Hightower treason cannot stand. “You honour me,” she tells Corlys, and makes a special acknowledgment of the Princess Rhaenys. She knows even though Rhaenys told Daemon her husband makes the decisions, she’s definitely the one to credit for soft power.
Rhaenyra surprises Corlys by stating if all out war should begin, it won’t be by her hand. She wants to know who her allies her before sending them to die. It’s here Corlys reveals the ace up his sleeve - full control over the Narrow Sea and the shipping lanes in and out of King’s Landing.
Rhaenys even pitches in, offering to personally patrol the waterway on Melys.
Rhaenyra’s council state such a blockade could allow the Blacks to surround King’s Landing and force the Greens to surrender. But Rhaenyra points out they still need the sheer manpower of Houses Tully, Baratheon and Stark.
“Send us,” chimes in Jacerys, in what will go down as one of the best “good in theory; bad in practice” ideas since Jesus put Judas Iscariot in charge of his personal security arrangements.
Jase has the terribly good sense to declare the holdout Lords will respond faster and better to a personal visit from a Prince than a mere raven. Corlys nods approval, and Rhaenyra assents.
She farewells her brown-haired baby boys overlooking the expanse of the Narrow Sea, a stiff breeze blowing grey skies on the horizon. She refutes the idea that Targaryens are near to Gods; that in fact, as good rulers they must serve the Seven Kingdoms.
She makes them swear on the book of the Faith of the Seven to act only as messengers, and not warriors. It’s a promise they make to their mother, as well as their Queen, as she no doubt wants them back again.
She gives Jase advice on dealing with the apparently youthful Cregan Stark, but reserves more detailed advice for her mournful-eyed second son Lucerys. Storm’s End is not far, he has Baratheon blood, and Lord Borros will be honoured to host a Prince of the Realm. “Yes Mother… Your Grace,” Luke answers, a final promise.
We’re then treated to a gorgeous sunset shot of three dragons taking off from behind the castle, sweeping out over the cliffs and across the water, the soaring Targaryen motif accompanying their graceful exit.
I assume the biggest is Melys, with Rhaenys, off to patrol the Gullet. The others are Vermax, carrying Jace, and lil’ silver baby Arrax carrying Luke. We can even see Luke briefly take one final look back at his home before plunging into the clouds.
Meanwhile underneath the castle, Daemon’s gone a-wanderin’, and a-singin’. His ancient Valyrian ditty is designed no doubt to lure dragons, and BOY what a dragon is lured! From the shadows comes the pants-wettingly terrifying sight of Vermithor, the dragon of the old king Jaeharys, riderless since his death some 25-odd years ago.
And now, dear readers, we reach the crescendo of this episode, and the series.
I should have thought ahead, applied basic narrative logic, and realised that every war needs an inciting incident, a Princip-in-Sarejevo moment.
That should have been outright confirmed in my mind as soon as I saw Vhagar, that hefty girl, raise her ferocious head from the back carpark at Storm’s End, too big for the actual driveway.
We’ve never seen Storm’s End onscreen before, and so perhaps it was the sight of this perpetually pounded by precipitation palace that threw off my guessing game. You’d think the soundtrack of howling wind would give it away, but no, I still hoped Luke would be OK as he presented himself to the Baratheon soldiers.
BUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTT then I saw Aemond.
The DALL-E generated composite that pops up when you key in the terms “lucius malfoy with eyepatch and like more evil”.
Of course, if that was Vhagar, then Aemond would have to be here. There is literally a thunderclap of foreboding as Prince Lucerys is announced and Aemond turns to face him. This is literally the worst timing since Governor Connally asked JFK what he thought of the crowds in Dealy Plaza and he said “It blows me awa—”.
Lord Borros seems like the kind of guy you’d want at your BBQ, isn’t he? Priggish, rude, illiterate and laughs at his own jokes - and it’s Lucerys’ job to suck up to him. Rhaenyra has steered her boy wrong here, and you can see Luke realise it pretty quickly.
Otto had hinted at the Greens giving the holdout Houses “generous offers” and now we see what the deal is with the Baratheons. Turns out ol’ Borros is a bit of a Walder Frey, and has quite the pack of daughters he needs married off. It’s not clear whether Aemond asked for the eldest, or prettiest, but there are still another three lined up, and Borros isn’t impressed that young Luke is already affianced.
“Go home, pup,” he says, thoroughly unimpressed that all Rhaenyra offered was a reminder of his father’s promise to her.
Lucerys looks somewhat relieved, but the night isn’t over. Aemond wants to have a go. Lucerys obeys his mother and says he will not fight his half-uncle, but Aemond has other ideas. In a textbook reveal, he smooths away his eyepatch to show a glittering blue stone where his eyeball should be.
Thing is though, when you think about it, wouldn’t it be more intimidating to have like the big empty socket there? Kind of like when Viserys showed his Harvey Dent face at that last family dinner? Isn’t the eyepatch itself a bit more cool and pirate-scary than the sapphire eye?
Anyway, our favourite psycho demands Lucerys finally cough up his own eyeball as payment - he says because of his “treason” but we all know it’s for the fight back on Driftmark about six years before. Lucerys naturally refuses, and Aemond labels him “craven as well as a traitor”. Aemond lunges at him, Lucerys draws his sword and backs away.
Thankfully, Lord Borros goes some way to having a redeeming feature by ordering Aemond to stop, and that Lucerys was just a kid, and had come as an envoy. Lucerys scrambles back outside to poor Arrax, being buffeted in the storm, and pleads with the dragon to stay calm. But he also notices something else…
….Vhagar is gone.
How Aemond would have gotten to his beast through the back door than Luke did boggles my mind, but we’ll just have to go with it.
As Luke drives Arrax up into the sky, my muscles tightened with dread.
As far as general animals go, Arrax is a bit unit, but his relatively tiny-ness as a dragon is highlighted by how easily he is buffeted about by the strong winds and rain. Luke pushes him on, though, and for a moment I thought perhaps he would be OK.
And then… terror.
The shadow of Vhagar illuminated over Arrax by a lightning strike is possibly the single scariest image on television this year.
Never before have the relative sizes of dragons been so intensely demonstrated.
Despite her size, Vhagar still managed to pull ahead of the tiny Arrax and turn around, so Luke had mere seconds to steer out of the path of her gaping maw.
I was trying to think what those great jaws opening reminded me of, and no, it wasn’t Jaws the movie, but in fact another 1970s movie with a Jaws in it: Stromberg’s ship in The Spy Who Loved Me.
Aemond can be heard laughing like a loon and taunting Luke in High Valyrian as he pursues Luke through the storm. Luke manages to use Arrax’s size to an advantage, by steering the dragon low through some rocky outcrops in the bay. But Aemond keeps pursuing, yelling “You owe a debt!”.
Then, Arrax, seemingly out of Luke’s control, zooms in towards Vhagar’s head and blasts her with a stream of fire. “No, Arrax!” Luke cries, wrestling the dragon back. Aemond then has similar problems with Vhagar, who turns and flies after Arrax, despite cries of Aemond shouting “No!” and “Serve me!”.
Luke and Arrax burst through the clouds above the storm, and for a moment it’s still, and the sun is shining, and Luke is OK. He breathes heavily, panting, his eyes alert.
And then Vhagar appears out of nowhere and CHOMPS ARRAX IN HALF.
There’s no music, only the sound of tearing flesh, then two separated wings scooping up the wind as they plummet back into the storm.
Lucerys Velaryon is gone. Annihilated in a second.
At least, we hope it was over quickly for him.
It’s a tragic ending that even the bloody lusty Aemond didn’t want - he yells “No, Vhagar!” as the great beast strikes, and has the decency to look utterly panicked at the sight of the Arrax falling through the sky. I don’t know what he THOUGHT would happen when he put his clearly bigger, badder, more dangerous dragon up against a little contender, but still…
You’ve never seen a more “Oh no, I done f***ed up” face than this one.
Back in 2017, when I was in New York City recapping the final episode of Season 7 of Game of Thrones, I used the first single of Taylor Swift’s newly-released album Reputation (Look What You Made Me Do) to sum up my feelings towards Jon and Daenerys having boat sex.
It seems only fitting then, considering T-Swizzle dropped her latest album Midnights just days before this episode aired, to take the lead single Anti-Hero and turn it into an anti-paean to the psycho that is Aemond “One-Eye” Targaryen.
I have this thing where I get older, and more batshit crazy
I like to think that I am tough
With my insistence that I take an eyeball for an eyeball
Just ‘cause I can’t deal with my stuff
I should not have taken Vhagar the dragon
I have been braggin’ and baggin’ out your whole bandwagon
(Down the Blacks, go Greens)
My mission is the decision
To take one source of your vision
But it ends up a collision
(Some nasty scenes)
It’s me, hi
I’m the problem, it’s me
I’m One-Eye
Everybody agrees
I’ll see myself as some avenging angry young DeNiro
But I am a proper villain, not a plain old anti-hero
Sometimes I feel like my eyepatch makes me look sexy, baby
And I can shoot some looks to kill
But when I demand
To give my mother your pretty peeper
Lord Baratheon wasn’t thrilled
You think that my outright barbarism
Was really just terrorism
By way of Green fascism?
(Watch me hmm and scoff)
It’s cynicism, pragmatism
Full blown opportunism
In truth it’s just onanism
(One more jerk-off)
It's me, hi
I'm the problem, it's me
I’m One-Eye
Everybody agrees
I’ll fuck shit up ‘cause I’m a self-entitled interferer
Now I’ll have to accept I am more than just the anti-hero
I had a dream that I might one day rule the Seven Kingdoms
Smallfolk would want my autograph
Maybe I’ll settle for a kick ass battle sequence in which
Vhagar just chomps Arrax in half
It's me, hi
I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi
I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi
Everybody agrees
I am fucking crazy
It's me, hi
I'm the problem, it's me
I’m One-Eye
Everybody agrees
I think that I’m a ten but really I am barely zero
Rhaenyra will know that I am more than just an anti-hero
Back on Dragonstone, somehow the word has gotten back to Daemon. How, I don’t know. But it’s his job now to break the dreadful news to Rhaenyra.
In an epic use of slow motion, Daemon walks the length of the painted table to Rhaenyra, while her officers play with chess pieces and devise strategies. He takes her hand and steers her away, clearly telling her of Lucerys’ death in bleakly simple terms. Then he releases her hand.
Before the fireplace, the transformative source of all Targaryen power, we see Rhaenyra stumble, the breath leaving her body, devastated by the loss of a child for the second time in only a few days. She grabs at her gut, bows her head, and possibly lets out a scream or a sob.
But then she sets her shoulders back, raises her head, and turns back to face her subjects. It’s the people in the room; it’s also us. Consider the incident incited; Rhaenyra is now Lady Vengeance.
We now understand why we came this way through ten episodes of incestuous family drama. The flame has been sparked; the fire must now follow its path. The dragons must dance.
Where do my allegiances lie?
The thing is, I have a certain amount of understanding for Alicent. She’s spent her life living according to someone else’s plan and the frustration of never feeling like her duty is valued must drive her nuts.
But the pure despicableness (despicability?) of the Brothers Targaryen - Aegon and Aemond - makes it impossible for me to support the Greens.
So what of their enemy faction?
Thing is, Rhaenyra is no angel. She’s adept at lying and manipulation, traits that she seemed to inherit not from her parents, but perhaps from her uncle-now-husband.
But she truly has grappled with what being the named heir means, as well as the prophecy her father Viserys entrusted to her. She tried valiantly this episode to not put her own feelings of entitlement first, and act reasonably in a time of chaos.
Maybe she could deal with losing her father and a new baby in the space of a few days. But a precious son? Consider that Rubicon crossed.
So when we head into Series 2 (which won’t be until 2024 according to most reports) I will go in on Team Blacks. But I promise I won’t get emotionally attached to anyone else because death now stalks Westeros once more.
…..
OK FINE I WILL TOTALLY GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED AND WRECK MYSELF ON THE SHORES OF DOOMED CHARACTERS.
Yay! Best Moments
While Rhaenyra is in labour, Daemon decides to take Jacerys with him to do a spot of loyalty house-keeping with a couple of the Kingsguard they have in service. He asks them who they pledged loyalty to, and if they recognise the line of succession. He offers them the choice - re-commit to Rhaenyra and Jacerys her heir and live, or say they support Aegon now and have a clean, honourable death at the hands (mouth?) of Caraxes.
But then he offers a third, more poetic, and much more painful, option.
“If you swear fealty now only to later turn your cloaks, know that you will die… screaming.”
Also Rhaenyra was totally having flashes to her own dragon screaming during that whole montage bit, but to be honest, it was all very intense and I’m not quite sure what it means.
And what about another shout-out to the dragons for whatever psychic connection they have to allow them to show up at exactly the right moment they’re needed. Like well-trained actors, they’re just waiting, quietly, for their cue, then they are ON and turning in a top intimidatory performance.
Zing! Best Lines
I’ve already mentioned Daemon’s riposte to Otto about Aegon. Chef’s kiss, that one.
Ewww, gross
Again, that birthing scene was a fitting bookend for the role of women in the show, reminding us of Rhaenyra’s transition from future mother to actual mother to mother AND Queen… but still an entirely gross one.
Boo, sucks
Poor Lucerys. He had to die, so that we could all… watch a bunch more people die.
Thank you so much for reading, kittens! A special thank you to all of my Patreon subscribers for supporting me monthly, particularly during this season. You really are the best.
You can also listen to the accompanying Raven On podcast to this episode here.