HOLY F**K YES ARYA F***ING STARK!

You beautiful thing. You beautiful, deadly thing. You’re like a snake. No, better than a snake. You’re like a cunning honey badger. You don’t give a shit. Except unlike the internet honey badgers, you hate MRAs. Oh you HATE THEM. And the Freys are MRAs, make no mistake

All these years I’ve been grappling with how to get the now-King in the North to notice me, and Dany goes and flips off an interview request like it AIN’T NO THANG and lo and behold my beloved is in the saddle and riding ferociously for White Harbour.

My heart is still pounding. This episode was full of inexorable goodness (often in the form of inexorable badness) and if anybody tries to pull any BS line that “meh, nothing happened” then I give you full permission to SASS THEM LIKE SANSA. And we’ll get to her Sassness in due course.

Daenarys may have a good heart that Davos has spotted you staring at, my Beloved, but it’s nothing compared to mine. I have an EXCEPTIONALLY good heart, Jon, and it’s pumping Double Duty for you. Yes, that’s right, my DD-sized heart is busting right out of my chest, and frankly, I’m amazed you can ignore it bouncing there in a remarkably perky way.

THAT, my Beloved Throners, is how you make a reappearance four seasons after we last saw you. Quit your job no questions asked, kill two guys with your mighty f***ing warhammer, ignore Davos’s advice to play it cool and just f**ing bro up with Jon Snow.

Welcome back, Gendry. I don’t even mind that you had your shirt on.

Hey, remember that Loot Train Battle from, I don’t know, two episodes ago? Remember how we were all like, THAT WAS EPIC AND AMAZING AND HOW CAN THEY TOP THAT?

Episode Six just rocked up and said HOLD. MY. BEER.

Dear Beloved Throners,

I hereby tender my resignation as your recappespondent.

After witnessing the Game of Thrones Season 7, Episode 7 finale, and in particular THAT SCENE, I am simply too heartbroken to continue.