How could I, when faced with the glorious weirdness that was the Solitract Cosmic Frog, not realise that the whole episode’s plot kind of boiled down to the same thing as the throwaway-concept-turned-immortal-character of the Hypnotoad?

Well, malleus my maleficarum if we haven’t stumbled upon my favourite Doctor Who episode so far this season. Witches! Not-Actual-witches! Possessed mud! Technolo-tree! Horny King James!

In place of a proper recap of Kerblam!, please enjoy this beat poem.

Now look. Doctors are supposed to help people - save people, if they can. But they can’t always do that. Sometimes they do just have to stand back and let what will be, be. It’s not that they’re not actively *trying* to help, just that the world needs them to *not* help for ...continuity. Right?

Given this whole episode was essentially a locked room mystery (the Doctor even references Poirot as a joke) with a ravenous alien twist, I don’t really know how useful a full traditional recap would be.

Well, that was a lot of fun. A lot of fun. I had fun. Did you have fun? Do I sound like the Doctor doing small talk now? Is it OK? Or just awkward? Move on with the recap? Right you are.

I kept trying to talk myself into writing the recap on Friday, but I had other stuff that needed doing, and Saturday was full with a birthday party, and which almost ended in a random late night trip to the Hellfire Club to see my mate Simon run their “Hell-o-ween” special but didn’t because everyone piked.

I must recap Doctor Who, which not only had plot points reminiscent of Rat Race, but shades of The Hunger Games and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire as well. You see, I parse all pop culture through other pop culture prisms. One day I’ll read some Tolstoy or Foucault or something and get really erudite, but until then, it’s erudumb all the way.