Kittens, kittens, kittens! Look at this beauty:
That is glorious. GLORIOUS! A few milliseconds on screen; a few too many decibels of screaming OH MY GOD IT’S DAENERYS LOOK AT DAENERYS!
Daemon’s final (well, for this series) Harrenhallucination showed a few familiar moments, making it possibly the most showy moment of this season finale.
Once again I hate to be topical, lest any readers of this recap in the decrepit future of a smoked-out humanity find this website, turn to it to nourish their deep need for storytelling and faith in a time and find a swathe of baffling, pre-collapse of civilisation references, but I must confess to this one.
After watching this season finale, I feel a tiny bit like French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati, who this past weekend suffered a small mishap while attempting to clear 5.70m at the Olympics.
I say “small” mishap, but it actually was quite the opposite.
Yes, the bar did not survive contact with young Ammirati’s own pole.
Now of course, there are party poopers out there who have explained exactly why this isn’t precisely what happened. And I am not making light of a young Olympian’s dream being cut short (or should that be long?). But just let me have this metaphor.
Like Ammirati, this season finale lifted so brilliantly. It hurled itself into the stratosphere with an intoxicating mix of public acclamations, secret meetings, portentous dreams and mud wrestling. The show had finally catapulted us into a climax, and I just wanted more, more, more.
Instead, the giant bar of budget and scheduling restrictions collided with our collective wang, sending us devastated back to the mat. And it’s going to be at least two years before we get the chance to feel that tumescence again.
That wait is a sacrifice we must all now bear, but we’re in good company. For this episode itself was all about the sacrifices - willingly made or not - our cast of characters have reached as they prepare for all-out war.
HotD S2E8 “The Queen Who Ever Was”
Speaking of competitive knob-thwacking, Aegon reveals he suffered a most unkind sacrifice at the Battle of Rooks Rest: phallus explosio.
The damn thing went off like a sausage on a spit, a dejected Aegon tells Lord Larys.
Aegon, like many men, was particularly fond of his wee willy. He’d often take it out on the town, finding it exciting places to visit. But now he’s realised he will ALWAYS win pole vaulting competitions, and that’s just depressing.
No wonder he wants to abandon himself to the demon drink, trying to convince Grand Maester Orwyle to throw a few Mai Tais down his throat. But Lord Larys insists he has to stay sober and smart, because they’ve got to get the hell out of dodge. Rhaenyra has three new dragonriders, and their best bet is hiding out for a while in Essos, living off Larys’ strong crypto investment with the Iron Bank of Braavoscoin.
Larys maintains that living is better than dying, but Aegon isn’t so sure. He’s a streaky-skinned dragon-less cripple with no penis, so the world feels pretty bleak. I loved that he seemed obsessed with his bulge - sorry, flat - because it would play on your mind, wouldn’t it?
Do not despair, my King! Did you hear what I just said about my penis? The smallfolk will see you as risen from the ashes! I feel like you’re ignoring the bit about my penis. You will be hailed as a returning king! You’re taking the piss, which is ironic because I CAN’T DO THAT PROPERLY ANYMORE.
Larys soothes him by returning to the topic most dear to Aegon’s heart - his legacy. Aegon the Victorious, Aegon the Peacemaker, Aegon the Rebuilder are all names he suggests the green king can claim once everyone else has murdered each other. Aegon himself thinks “Aegon the Realm’s Delight” has quite a good ring to it, seemingly forgetting it’s what Rhaenyra was called as a girl. Either way, they all sound a lot better than “Aegon the Cockless”.
But the clincher of course is Lord Larys’ accurate assessment that Aegon’s perilous claim to life rests not on Rhaenyra’s emotions, but his own brother’s.
Aemond is on the warpath.
It turns out despite the image he’s constructed for himself as The Cool Guy With The Eyepatch And Giant F***off Dragon, Aemond is still that big baby wrecking his own toys when he doesn’t get his way. Instead of The Badass With The Impressive Wang Who Walks Out of Brothels Totally Nude, he’s still that big baby lying in the arms of a mistress he must pay to treat him tenderly because no one else will.
So mad at discovering Rhaenyra has recruited some Nobodies from Nowheresville to ride extra dragons, he uses Vhagar to burn down the small peninsula village of Sharp Point.
Given there’s a number of movements in this episode, I’ve taken the liberty of creating another map visual which may be of assistance.
The town’s destruction is a nice flaming visual, and as it turns out will be the only one we get for the entire episode.
I’m not going to lie, I was somewhat surprised to see that the most intense roasting was Tyland Lannister’s treatment in Myr. But admittedly, that was toastily good fun.
Tyland is the picture of an Englishman abroad in South-East Asia or Africa: panting for breath with sweat beading on the brow - and not just from the heat.
He’s barely off the boat and into discussions with the Myrish, a people who’ve probably seen chairs, but have decided their long term mobility is better off with furniture-free economic negotiations. Also - there’s a monkey! I really hope the monkey was real. Maybe not in the scene, but I hope they got a real monkey to walk through a green screen zone then CGI’d it in.
The Myrish aren’t monkeying around when it comes to money. They want a staggering amount of dosh to help the Lannisters/Greens break the Velaryon blockade, causing Tyland to mop his brow like it’s the deck of a sloop.
The Myrish have plenty of markets for their tapestries and perfumes, so Tyland’s promise that it would benefit them isn’t quite the winning argument he thinks it is. Instead, they want the Stepstones. Remember them? The ones Daemon and Corlys fought that weird crabby guy to win?
The Myrish leaders suggest if they are given the Stepstones back, they’ll stop all the piracy, and just introduce a simple tax on everything that passes through. A Good, Simple Tax.
Tyland is panicked - it’ll drive up basic goods, and make the Greens unpopular. He agrees, but fears Aemond will have him hanged for making the deal.
“Pssshaw,” says a burly lead negotiator. “With the army we’re sending, you can overthrow him and take the Iron Throne yourself.”
I have a lot of respect for Tyland in this moment. It seems rare for a Lannister to very clearly NOT want power; albeit Tywin and Cersei were born long after dragons were a thing. Tyland’s look screams “You clearly don’t know Aemond Targaryen,” and he rises, thinking their business has been concluded.
But stop - there’s a catch.
The head of the Myrish fleet must agree to the deal. His name is Lohar, and the men won’t fight without his explicit approval.
You’ve never seen a man so frustrated at having to remain in his sweaty travel clothes, sitting on a sandy floor, in a poorly ventilated meeting hall, when he just wants to kick back with a Savvy B in the bath. “Fine,” he sighs. “Let’s meet this guy.”
Admiral Lohar is introduced, and hails Lord Tywin.
“Err, it’s Tyland,” he corrects… now this is where things get interesting.
Admiral Lohar has been referred to as “he”, but at first glance looks more like a warrior woman than a warrior man. Lohar’s voice also seems softer, asking Tyland what sort of man he is, a poet or a philosopher.
Ohhhhhhhh, waiiiitttttt a second here. Wait just a dang second here.
I recognise that actor! That’s Abigail Thorn, aka Philosophy Tube on YouTube. Abigail famously came out as a transwoman after years of posting philosophy content under her previous identity, and has been steadily building a career in the real world since.
So Thorn, a transwoman, has been cast in a role that is clearly playing with gender constructs - which is great - but the character is referred to as “he”. Oh gods, I’m going to stuff this up. I’m going to get some pronouns wrong and get cancelled. Oh lordy lordy. Can I make a blanket apology in advance if I end up being problematic? As you know, this is an equal opportunity recap in which I ogle and/or criticise everyone, and I don’t think gender diverse people should get to be exempt from that. That is my vision of inclusion, anyway.
The point is, that line about being a philosopher can’t have been a coincidence. It must have been an inside joke referring to Abigail Thorn’s YouTube channel. And look, fair play, at least it’s not as out of place as Ed Sheeran.
Admiral Lorah seems to dash Tyland’s hopes, saying they will not sail with a man who can’t best them.
“At what?” Tyland innocently asks, sparking a delighted smile from the mariner. Because it turns out the competition de jour is… MUD WRESTLING!
Hmm, is this problematic?
Now this must have been a fun/nightmarish scene to film - Lohar and Tyland thrashing about in thick, black mud. Just moving in the stuff must have been exhausting, let alone fighting in it.
Clearly a veteran of this type of physical endeavour, Lohar is kicking Tyland’s ass, but eventually he manages to knock him over. Lohar is impressed, calls Tyland “Tyman” and says he’ll decide after dinner whether to support the anti-blockade effort.
Dinner turns out to be ripe octopus, which wobbles in the centre of the table as Tyland is forced to sing a bawdy sea shanty at the Myrish karaoke night. Although, between walking planks and hoisting masts and getting the wind up and whatnot, is there any sea shanty that ISN’T bawdy?
There’s a pause as Tyland finishes, then the Admiral bursts into applause. “Well done Lord Tyrod!”
Boom, rule of threes. I love the little touch of Lohar getting the name wrong. The Admiral stands, toasts, and charges that they will all head to the Gullet the next day to teach the Sea Snake a lesson. Tyland is delighted that his mission has proved successful, and after a stressful day is clearly keen to get to bed.
But karaoke is followed by a belly dancer, and Lohar wishes for another word with Tyland (I also love that once Lohar has decided to back Tyland, he gets the name right). “You have proven your worth and virility. I wish to have children by you.”
Mercifully, Tyland seems as confused by Lohar’s offer as I was. “Oh wait, so Lohar is a woman?!” I thought.
But then Lohar explains with a sardonic grin: “I want you to fuck my wives.”
Tyland’s face, screwed up in classic “How the hell do I answer that?” mode, can only think to reply “How many wives do you have?”
It’s a belter of a moment, and so well played between the two of them.
Back at King’s Landing, it’s been revealed how the Targaryen bastards all got over to Dragonstone, and Aemond orders all fishing boats going in and out of the harbour to be inspected. He’s unapologetic about how much extra time that will put on the fishermen of the city, and the resulting delays in getting fish to hungry smallfolk.
“We must all make our sacrifices,” Aemond says, clearly not about to make any of his own.
There’s a close up on Lord Jasper Ironrod’s face as Aemond strides off, and I can’t quite tell if it’s frustration, fed-up-ness, hate or a weird semi-respect. At least he doesn’t seem to be in trouble for not telling Aemond his gossip about the dragonriders earlier.
Meanwhile dear sweet Helaena wants to know why everybody hates them. After all, they didn’t order the blockade. But as Alicent points out, they are the crown and are expected to break it.
“I was happier before I was Queen,” Helaena tells her mother. Alicent nods, and seems on the verge of saying “Me too”. Instead, she asks if Helaena would like to leave.
Of course the only thing Aemond knows how to break are any remaining family bonds, and he shows up right on time to do just that. Given the balance of dragon power has shifted, he insists Helaena join the fight on her dragon Dreamfyre.
Now we’ve never seen Dreamfyre, but it’s one of the oldest dragons in existence, born during Aegon the Conqueror’s reign. Helaena has always seemed more interested in creepy-crawlies than flyie-flamies - another fact that must have driven Aemond bonkers as a kid pre-Vhagar - so it’s not surprising she rejects the idea, saying she won’t burn anyone.
Aemond is not interested in her personal preferences - the throne and their lives are at stake.
But Alicent sees through her evil spawn - he’s angry, his ego has been bruised, and his instinct is to respond with violence. He should be protecting the realm, but he’s hurting the smallfolk. He should be protecting his gentle sister, but he’s willing to risk her sanity. “Would you not have us prevail?” Aemond demands of his mother. “Not like this!” she cries. She manages for the moment to defuse the situation, but we then see her go to Grand Maester Orwyle, seeking discretion and secret passage. Hmmm. If Aemond has just ordered all boats be inspected, could she and Helaena really expect to make a run for it?
Helaena and Dreamfyre are also a discussion point between Corlys and Rhaenyra. She visits him at the Driftmark docks, where his flagship “The Sea Snake” is finally finished being repaired. It’s taken all season - which is probably fair considering this season takes place over no more than six months.
Corlys has given the vessel a new name “The Queen Who Never Was” in honour of his lost love Rhaenys. Everything he does now is for her. Nawwww.
“If I tell you things are going really well for you, that’ll hold up, right? No chance of disaster coming in a season or two?”
Rhae-Rhae had hoped having three new dragons would be enough in itself to win the campaign against the Greens. But she’s now worried about the reliability of their new recruits. Given the way Ulf is making himself at home and pissing off Jace by refusing to take anything seriously, she might be right to be wary. But Corlys can at least vouch for Addam with the Extra D, even though he’s had little to do with him personally.
Rhaenyra doesn’t believe Helaena would enter the fight; but Corlys reminds her she might be compelled. And Dreamfyre is a formidable asset.
It’s not that Rhaenyra is prevaricating here; but she is coming to terms with the actions she must now take. Aemond thought himself invincible, and he will be angry that she’s proved he isn’t. She has to press the advantage because he will respond.
She has seven dragons including her own, she has the Velaryon fleet - but the Lannisters and Hightowers are marching. Corlys says she must crush the beast from the head.
But of course, there is one player whose intentions are yet to be revealed….
He may have had to chop an ally’s head off to get it, but Daemon’s new army has reinvigorated his spirits. He’s organising pigs for Caraxes, checking equipment, and basically doing a dynamic walk ‘n’ talk in the high spirits of someone on the cusp of justifiable war action.
Finally, finally! Ser Alfred Broome arrives with Rhaenyra’s message of “WTF are you doing?” - except it’s not the real conversation he desires to have with Daemon.
Seeking privacy in the Godswood, he tells the Rogue Prince that he is loyal to Viserys and Rhaenyra, BUUUUUUUUUT, you know, there are battles to be fought, and Rhaenyra has been a little bit of a, you know, woman.
Now I must admit if I hadn’t had the subtitles on, I probably would have missed what the hissing wind actually said to throw Broome off his flow. “Traitor, traitor” was the phrase, and while it did spook Ser Alfred, Daemon either didn’t hear it, or shrugged it off. “This place will have you barking at the moon,” he says wryly.
It turns out Broome wants to sweep Rhaenyra aside in favour of Daemon, in order to have the best chance of beating the usurpers. “What we need in this moment is a king.”
Daemon chuckles, but in the shadows, Sir Simon As Ser Simon watches with concern. I adore Ser Simon, and I’m so glad he’s always taken Daemon’s actions with a grain of salt. He’s able to send word back to Dragonstone to alert Rhaenyra of potential shenanigans.
Meanwhile Daemon hasn’t had his last run-in with Alys Rivers. He wakes to find her sitting on his bed, her angular face lit by a sole candle. “Do you never sleep, witch?” he asks, only to be told she’s going to the godswood. The unspoken instruction is that Daemon should follow.
A quick aside to mention the haunting music that underscores this scene - it’s so eerily beautiful as Alys crosses the ground towards the weirwood tree, teasing Daemon about the ego he brought to Harrenhal, AND A WEIRD DEER HUMAN THING CLOPS UP TO THE TREE.
Seriously, what the hell was that? It’s just onscreen for a few moments, and it’s not even sure Alys clocks it. Daemon does, but keeps going, as Alys says there are omens in the godswood for those who seek them. She’s particularly pleased that Daemon says he’s no longer inclined to scoff at her hints of magic and mystery.
Alys grabs Daemon’s hand.
“All your life you have sought to command your own fate. But today you are ready.”
She places his hand onto the blood-red sap of the weirwood tree (which apparently features George R.R. Martin’s face, a design choice I absolutely did not pick up on), which allows full access to Westeros Future Vision in 8K:
So, in order, Daemon sees:
*The Three-Eyed Raven - both the bird version and the man himself all tied up in tree branches (with interesting facial birthmark this time).
*The White Walkers leading a bunch of Wights - we’re assuming that’s the Night King out front, but it does seem like a bit of an Aldi knock-off version.
*A figure walking through puddles of blood between piles of dead dragons and humans
*That figure seemingly turning out to be Daemon as he falls into a deep body of water and sinks
*A comet scorching across the sky
*Three dragon eggs in flames
*DAENERYS! DAENERYS! DAENERYS! After the burning of Khal Drogo’s body, when her three bubba dragons hatch.
*Daemon approaching the Iron Throne, and realising it is Rhaenyra who sits on it.
*Motherflipping HELAENA turning up behind him to tell him it’s all a story, he’s just one part, and he knows his part.
It cuts back to the godswood as Daemon withdraws his hand from the psilocybin goo, but we hear Helaena again saying “You know what you must do.”
Now clearly this is a spoilers montage for Daemon regarding upcoming seasons of House of the Dragon and a cheeky peek at Game of Thrones. But what in the seven hells is Helaena doing in it?
I mean, she’s always been a spooky queen, but she and Daemon have never really had much to do with each other. Are Helaena and Alys Rivers in this together somehow? Do they astral travel and have tea and crumpet plotting sessions? Do they have Mystic Wi-Fi?
Because the thing is, Helaena seems to be experiencing Daemon’s vision at the same time as him.
The end of his scene bleeds into the very next scene in which Helaena - IN THE SAME CLOTHES - is on her balcony in the Red Keep, looking out over the city, having just uttered that line, “You know what you must do.”
So is she IN Daemon’s vision, or sharing a vision of her own?
The speculation is there for it to be connected, because she is approached again by Aemond, this time in a more conciliatory manner. He tries to convince her again to fly with him to Harrenhal to lay waste to Daemon and his army.
“And if I refuse, will you burn me as you did Aegon?”
Aemond only has one eye visible for reactions, but lordy he did a good job with just that one. He’s enraged, but keeps his voice calm for the moment, insisting that Helaena is lying. But she saw it - Aemond burned Aegon at Rooks Rest and let him fall.
I need to apologise to you, kittens, for thinking that Aegon’s injuries by Vhagar were mostly friendly fire. Turns out he really just is, as Aegon describes him earlier in the episode, a “f***ing mad c***”.
Helaena continues - Aegon will be king again, and Aemond will be dead. Swallowed up in the God’s Eye and never seen again. “I could have you killed,” Aemond whispers. “It wouldn’t change a thing,” Helaena replies.
Now the God’s Eye is the lake outside Harrenhal, the one you can see beyond the godswood. Is that where Daemon is drowing in his vision? Does Aemond drown there too? At the same time? Do they kill each other in battle?
Seriously, what is going on with Helaena? She truly is one of the most fascinating characters in the show, if only because she’s about as knowable as a cloud.
Either way, Daemon’s about to get a reality check from the main person he’s been running from this whole series: his wife.
Rhae-Rhae has been hosting an extravagant meal with Jace, Baela and her new dragonriders, and once again Ulf is making a right tit of himself. He’s delighted by the lavish buffet, and insists on more and more wine and “small birds” be brought out for him. Addam of Hull can only cringe, hoping nobody thinks they’re friends or anything.
Rhaenyra, resplendent in some very Alexander McQueen dragon epaulets, stands to toast her new recruits. She also tells them their new great power comes with great responsibility. Serve her well, and she will make them knights.
Jace’s side-eye here is unbelievably good.
They’ve all been practising their Valyrian commands and getting to know their new steeds, but still, it’s unlikely anyone expected Rhaenyra to call for an attack in just a couple of days’ time. She’s following Corlys’ advice, and planning to shutdown Oldtown and Lannisport, cutting off the Green armies from the capital.
Baela is horrified. “You wish for us to kill innocents?”
“And so many,” chimes in a nervous Hugh.
It’s Jace who defends his mother’s plan, saying it will be hard but there is no choice. Rhaenyra adds that the smaller sacrifice will prevent the greater one of a mass civil war. It’s all feeling a bit Enola Gay 1945 to be honest. It’s got a distinct Oppengaryen feel. Or should that be Targaheimer?
“I am become Death, destroyer of fantasy worlds.”
The only person who seems super chuffed about getting started is Ulf. He’s even keen to take on Vhagar, calling Silverwing “a goer” and saying together they’re fearless. I say - let’s get Ulf out in front. Let him charge in. Keep precious Hugh back to deal with the fall out.
A message arrives from Ser Simon, fearing treachery from the newly-armied-up Daemon.
“I will not allow it” she fumes, calling on Addam to join her.
The next day, we see Syrax and Seasmoke hurtle towards Harrenhal, the great stone castle encircled by encampments of ensigns.
It makes sense why Rhae-Rhae has drafted in a second dragon - if Daemon on Caraxes decides to make trouble, she at least stands better odds with a backup (and of course there’s no way she was going to put Jace at risk).
It is lovely to see Caraxes rear his long neck from slumber upon hearing the call of other dragons. The Blood Wyrm must have been bored shitless hanging out all this time while Daemon got spectral shock therapy.
There’s an incredible shot of Syrax landing on the rampart, halfway up to the gates of Harrenhal, and Sir Simon as Ser Simon trodding down to meet her. He wasn’t expecting to see her, but Rhaenyra tells him diplomatically that his raven was enough to make her fill her boots.
Convinced she’s right to be fearful, he hurries her into Great Hall, where she’s confronted with hundreds of beardy fishmen all chit chatting away. Some at the front start to notice the incredibly blonde-haired woman now standing before them; Syrax landing on the destroyed roof, making their risk of being flash-seared instantly obvious, makes the rest fall silent.
Slowly Daemon makes his way through the crowd towards her. The Tully soldiers all jump back and stand to attention as he passes; it’s mostly fear traced with disgust, but it all does give the effect of Daemon himself burning a path with invisible flames.
Their conversation is at first whispered, as Daemon tells Rhaenyra the army in the hall swore allegiance to him “not a moment too soon”. It’s a coinflip moment as Rhaenyra takes a step back to politely but loudly inquire “And to whom are you sworn?”
Daemon slips into High Valyrian, the language they have always used in tense moments as well as tender ones. He tells Rhaenyra of what he’s seen - that winter is coming.
“You sound like Viserys,” she says incredulously. There is silence as Daemon says the realm’s only hope is a leader to unite them, and “my brother chose… you.”
Again, Ramin Djawadi’s score plays so beautifully, a single note fading in as Daemon seems to truly see Rhaenyra for the first time. The melody rises as he falls to his feet, acknowledges Rhaenyra as the True Queen, and pledges to serve her until death or the end of their story.
“I don’t think I’ll be choosing Harrenhal for my vacation next year.”
Ser Simon looks utterly flabbergasted by this turnabout, while Ser Alfred Broome has the good sense to look a bit nervous, no doubt hoping Daemon might forget their little Godswood conversation.
Rhaenyra pulls Daemon to his feet whispering in High Valyrian “Leave me again at your peril.
“I couldn’t. I tried,” is Daemon’s almost chipper response.
Yay! In Westeros this is about as best a romantic reconciliation we can hope for!
The pair almost touch foreheads, as they did at their wedding, but instead turn to face the assembled Rivermen. Drawing Dark Sister, Daemon Bravehearts his way into a speech for the ages, the music swelling as he screams “We fight for our queen!”
It’s all very rousing, and in possibly the best piece of background acting ever, Ser Simon can be seen behind a triumphant Rhaenyra slow-clapping in absolute delight. His face may be blurry due to depth of field, but you can still make a person who’s never been so happy to be wrong.
There’s a few more characters we need to tick off the list, before we reach our crescendo.
The first is Alun of Hull, who really does seem to have some deep Daddy issues when it comes to Corlys. Of course, the Sea Snake is being rather awkward in his attempts to form a bond with his bastard, what with appointing him a first mate, and now trying to give him some helpful tips on how to be an inspiring leader.
We know of course that Alun must have in him, but he doesn’t seem well pleased at being given notes by a coach who’s so far missed all of his other extra-curricular activities. His rousing speech boils down to “I don’t need you, Dad!”, and Corlys is left to reflect on what his bastard sons have missed out due to his failures as a parent.
Next is Rhaena. Her name almost rhymes with “Jane Eyre”, and damn, is the younger Targaryen sister doing her best Bronte sister impression up in the Vale or what?
She’s wandered off with no supplies and has clearly been out for a while, given how desperately she faceplants into a stream. We also see her shivering through a bleak night, and pacing up and down the moors, only to catch a brief glimpse of the mystery dragon flying through the hills.
Later she hears a roar much closer, and summons the strength to run to where the beast is enjoying its latest snack. It’s like Maria from The Sound of Music, only the hills are alive with less music and more the sound of sheep being deep fried.
“You got any NexGard?”
This wild dragon is Sheepstealer, and hoo boy it might be a challenge for the so far unlucky-in-dragon-love Rhaena. Skinny with patchy skin, this one looks like a mangy feral compared to the refined creatures of Dragonstone. Still, she has to win it over, because it’s been promised to us now, that the girl without a dragon will find a dragon.
After all, her part was going to be guardian to Rhaenyra and Daemon’s baby boys, but her hunger for a dragon meant actual hunger in the wild was preferable to the comfort of a far off castle in Pentos. What Rhaenyra will think of this abandonment remains to be seen.
Finally, there’s our Alicent Lover/Brother combo out there in the field.
Now did I miss something? How did Ser Gwayne the Green Knight find out about Ser Criston Cole-vaulting over his sister?
It can’t just be because Criston is sitting on a log crying into Alicent’s embroidered hankie. He’s not bothered that his lover’s brother has a sword at his neck, threatening to send him to The Wall for defiling the Queen. “Former Queen,” Criston points out. He says Alicent hasn’t broken any oaths like he has, and if the word got out it would stain the Hightower name. All things for Ser Gwayne to ponder as he decides whether to separate Cole from his head.
Cole talks about following Alicent like a beacon because she’s saved his life twice. He has shame though; desire for women has caused him much grief. He’s not entirely convinced his fellow Kingsguard manage much better than he does at keeping their ardour in their armour.
“Perhaps all men are corrupt, and true honour is a mist that melts in the morning.”
Jeez, he’s really going through it, isn’t he? You see one terrifying battle between dragons and your whole foundational worldview crumbles. Ser Criston goes all Shakespearean in his existential crisis.
“The dragons dance, and men are like dust under their feet. And all our fine thoughts, all our endeavours are as nothing. We march now toward our annihilation. To die will be a kind of relief, don’t you think?”
Way to bring the mood down, bro. Ser Gwayne is so bummed out, he can’t even think of a response. He just lowers his sword, exhales, and sits down next to Ser Criston on the log. And there they stay, Criston getting out his sword-polishing rag, and Ser Gwayne left to ponder what the f*** any of it is really for.
Give him a sandwich and he’d be Sad Keanu.
Back on Dragonstone, Rhaenyra watches Silverwing and Vermithor dip and dive off the coast.
Magical Mysaria Tour, ever the hype woman, says the queen has achieved what nobody else could have imagined, and therefore the gods are on her side.
Rhae-Rhae is still heartsore at the idea she will have to nuke thousands from orbit in order to win. She doesn’t believe Viserys would have wanted this; but thank goodness Mysaria says “Nuh-uh, bitch. This is not on you, it’s on HIM.” And it’s true. Viserys thought he did enough to secure Rhaenyra’s claim, but he didn’t neuter Otto Hightower’s scheming, which would have stopped all of this from ever developing. So Mysaria is right when she says her father left her no choice, and now Rhaenyra must prevail.
“And who pays the price?” Rhae-Rhae asks.
Mysaria cannot answer, because the answer is too great: everybody.
The realm’s armies? Smoked. The smallfolk? Collateral damage. A generation of high-born lords? Destroyed.
And Rhaenyra? Forever a Queen of Ash and Bone. Whatever the realm makes of it, she’ll know it to be true.
It’s wonderful to see this question keeping Rhaenyra up at night. She lies alone with the prospect of what must come circling like a mobile on a baby crib above her.
She is woken by a Queensguard, who takes her to her library to meet a pre-dawn visitor.
I don’t like to brag, but I was so impressed I accidentally made a correct prediction about Alicent - she really did get herself across to Dragonstone and admit her mistakes to Rhaenyra.
It wasn’t quite the joining of forces that I had hoped for, but it was a sweet turnabout to see Alicent sneaking off not to run away with Helaena as her earlier scenes suggested, but to make her own mad dash to see her one-time friend turned bitter enemy.
And what a meeting.
Alicent is no longer wearing the deep green of Hightower. Her blue dress and cloak would no doubt make for better camouflage against the waves, but would it be too on the nose to also suggest she is discarding her chrysalis form?
She took to wearing green years before to distinguish herself from the rest of the Targaryens; but now the colour represents what she has come to loathe. Rhaenyra too is not in her typical black and red garb; the lighter, creamier colour of her nightgown suggests an openness in the quiet of the small hours.
The conversation between these two women could be an entire recap of its own. It eclipses in tone and truthfulness even the belter of a scene between Daemon and Rhaenyra from episode 2, before he leaves for Harrenhal. We are allowed to sit and watch these two characters truly converse; flies on the wall to a scene with more flesh than any of the brothels in the Street of Silk.
There is recrimination and resentment, but also patience and genuine listening.
Crucially, there is choice. Terrible, terrible choice.
For Alicent offers to let down King’s Landing’s defences to allow Rhaenyra to enter as a conqueror. The war can end, peace can return, Alicent can be free of endless plotting and striving.
“What about Aegon?” Rhaenyra probes, and Alicent hesitates. “He’s broken, he lies around despairing about his scorched girth policy, but he still listens to Mummy…”
“Still you defend him!”
Rhaenyra is furious. Alicent is trying to make everything work out, when Rhaenyra knows it’s too late for that. If she does take back the Throne, she will have to kill Aegon. “You KNOW this,” she entreats Alicent. “However you may try to evade it, you know this!”
Rhaenyra is standing her ground. She will not allow Alicent to get away without avoiding the horrible, unavoidable truth. To quote a yet-to-be-seen-in-this-series House, Alicent must pay the Iron price.
“Choose,” she demands. “Will you make your sacrifice?”
Otto had warned Alicent of this years earlier; back then it set her on the path of doing whatever she needed to ensure her children’s continued safety.
Now she makes a different decision. Tears in her eyes, and nods, then claps her hand over her mouth. It’s such a stunning moment to see Alicent throw off the protector role of Mother she has so diligently performed, it even makes Rhaenyra’s eyes well with tears.
Their conversation ends with the most tragic exchange of them all.
Rhaenyra gives Alicent a final warning about her planned actions to betray the Greens. “History will paint you a villain. A cold queen, grasping for power and then defeated.”
Alicent doesn’t care. “I am at last myself, with no ambition greater than to walk where I please and breathe the open air. To die unremarked and unnoticed, and be free.”
“You speak as if from a distant dream,” Rhaenyra replies, almost transfixed. And then Alicent steps forward, pushed by the reminder of a closeness lost so long ago.
I mean, can you IMAGINE?!?! Both of them disappear, leaving the whole bloody realm to squabble amongst itself. Running free in Essos somewhere, maybe Pentos, getting Rhaenyra’s two youngest sons back…
…no, it’s an impossible thought, and Rhaenyra knows it.
“My part is here, whether I will or no. It was decided for me long ago.”
She then tells Alicent to go, and wordlessly she does.
As she raises her hood and stalks through the hallways of Dragonstone, we transition to everyone’s favourite season finale device: THE MONTAGE.
We see:
*Hugh, Addam and Ulf being kitten out in flying armour (Ulf looking particularly smug)
*Rhaena chasing her dragon.
*The Hightower army marching - with the blue dragon that must be Daeron’s flying over them.
*The Northmen crossing The Twins!
*The Lannisters pulling in hard west of Harrenhal.
*Daemon, back in full armour for the first time since he arrived at Harrenhal, surveying the Riverlands army.
*Tyland Lannister, with Admiral Lohar at his side, sailing the Myrish fleet towards the Gullet.
*Addam and Corlys, battle armour on, joining the Sea Snake off Driftwood.
*Rhaena meeting Sheepstealer in another glorious wide shot.
*Aegon and Lord Larys fleeing King’s Landing in a carriage containing ravens - the “wooden throne” Helaena mentioned.
*Strangely, bizarrely - Otto Hightower in a jail cell! Or maybe some sort of cage? What the hell was that? Who got Otto and turned him into a mobile phone case brand?
Finally Alicent steps out onto the battlements at Dragonstone, at the same time as Rhaenyra gazes out onto the dragon skull that sits just outside her library.
Rhaenyra is framed at the very bottom of the screen by a criss-crossing of shelves, each containing various scrolls. She now feels the weight of history most heavily. Her next actions will be written on similar parchments, her decisions praised or pilloried depending on the author.
The frame then cuts to outside, where Alicent stands, a similar size at the bottom of the screen, but with a completely different future in front of her. It’s an open sky, a new dawn.
Rhaenys - the most valued, and most mourned character in this story - once told Alicent “And yet you toil still in service to men. Your father, your husband, your son. You desire not to be free, but to make a window in the wall of your prison.”
Now here Alicent stands, having rejected the expectations of all of those men. She has torn down her prison, and is now truly free.
The moment is matched by the swelling of music, featuring an almost primal vocalisation from a female voice.
I can see how for many this conclusion may seem like the knock to the knackers we began this finale recap with, given that the great armies of Westeros are marching, but not actually fighting. And I get that, I really do. Two years seems an impossibly long stretch of time.
But in the two years since Series 1 finished - I lost my best friend. A year ago this month, as I type. And time seems to have flown. How can we have been without Stu for a whole year?
So maybe - given the creators have confirmed House of the Dragon will end with Season 4, and we are like as not to see much effusion of blood and searing of genitals on our way to story’s end - we can reframe our expectations of what a finale can be.
Maybe the great conflict, the enormous, game-changing crunch of this finale isn’t a ball-blistering burning from above, but a whispered conversation between two mothers, one who has already lost a son, and one who has just agreed to let hers die.
Two women, whose fight for respect from the men who would seek to control them has run in parallel despite their different personalities and circumstances.
Two girls, whose former friendship lies at the scabbed heart of the realm.
Yay! Best Moments
So much lovely stuff this episode, but to highlight a moment I couldn’t jam in anywhere else: I really loved Baela being Jace’s hype woman/life coach this episode. He’s angry about the dragon riders “diluting” the pool, because he feels it will draw attention to his own impure parentage. Baela, to her credit, does not give two shits for this misery.
Go be your mother’s son, she tells him. It doesn’t matter who your father was, it matters who your mother is, and she needs you.
Zing! Best Lines
Rhaenyra: A knight will comport himself with grace at the Queen’s table.
Ulf: Best make me a knight then.
Jace: You forget yourself, friend
Ulf: A sense of humour would do you all good. More little birds!
Ulf, telling it like it is at the Dragonstone dinner table.
Ew, gross
Alicent confessed to Rhaenyra she had taken a lover… but stopped short of dropping the name “Ser Criston Cole”. I know it would have distracted from their moment together, but jeez I’d love them to compare notes on that one. Actually, would I?
Boo, sucks
Yes, yes, yes… I get it. I think some people will find this episode unsatisfying as a finale/cliffhanger, labelling it as more of a set-up for Season 3. But I hope this entirely-too-long recap might go some way to express that House of the Dragon has in its own challenges in storytelling because the ending is out there in the Fire & Blood book. It also has put extra focus on the slow burning tragedy that is a family split against itself. So I’m quite ready to accept that it’ll be a couple of years before we get to vault the pole again; and hopefully the series tucks its junk away for the full clearance.
Thank you so much for reading, kittens! Remember you can find my Patreon here and sign up to throw a few bucks per month my way while the season is running. The support is incredible, and I cannot thank you enough!