S8 Photos: (White) Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Did y’all see that mystifying Game of Thrones/Bud Light Superbowl ad?

We don’t get Bud Light ads in Australia, so I assume there was a bunch of history with the “Bud Knight” character - but still, it was an odd mash-up. I thought it must have been an ad for Bud, but at the end it was an ad for Game of Thrones Season Eight. While I appreciated the pastiche of both of the Hound’s key fight scenes so far - the joust in season one and the duel with Oberyn Martell in season four - I feel like it was somewhat undermining the terror of the Mountain character to feature him in this twee medieval fantasy tourney. It made me nod in agreement when I saw this article in The Guardian.

Ultimately, we GoT tragics don’t want weird cross-promotion. We want trailers, and lots of them. Preferably with Jon Snow in the nuddy. But like, alone, not WITH anyone.

HBO hasn’t gone that far today, but they have dropped a series of gen-u-wine character photos from season eight by photographer Helen Sloan.

And given that I’m still in the midst of performing Raven On, my live Game of Thrones comedy show, at Perth Fringe World (also coming to Brisbane Comedy Festival, book now) - I’m dead keen to just go through and offer some thoughts beyond just “why no nudity”?

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Seriously though, why no nudity?

I know it’s a deathly cold winter Jon, but surely you have to have a hot bath now and then to cope?

Sigh, I’m such a cliche.

The battlements in the background would seem to suggest my beloved is at Winterfell here, but apart from having an extra-cosy Ikea rug on his noble shoulders, all I could really suggest is that he’s thinking broodingly (or broodingly thinking) about how to prepare for the War to Come.

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Looks like we’ll be getting another bad-ass Daenarys costume in season 8. Keen cosplayers will already be sketching out this furry, studded, cross-bodied top for 2019 conventions. I note too Dany’s hair is softer around the forehead - no doubt a byproduct of Emilia Clarke bleaching her hair platinum blonde for the final season to reduce wig time. I’d say they’ve put in extensions here so her hair looks softer and less polished. Also maybe Winterfell doesn’t have a Toni & Guy at the ready.

Dany looks reasonably happy here; one can only assume she’s staring at Jon Snow and should STOP IT.

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Something’s going on here; they don’t look distressed enough for it to be a battle (also, both of them would be in the thick of a battle). Maybe they’re surveying the aftermath of a Walker attack; or perhaps looking out at all the Northerners taking refuge through the long Winter? It certainly looks bloody cold, and I’m having trouble identifying the grey structure behind Dany’s shoulders. It’s great to see her white riding coat back, but the real question is as always - has nobody in this world has ever thought of a woolly hat?

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Looks like Bran/Three-Eyed Raven is going to pick up where he left off - intensely watching fire like it’s a Netflix documentary.

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Needle? Check. Catspaw? Check. Badass cloak? Check. Eyebrows that could murder you? Check. Kill ALL the dudes this season, Arya. ALL OF THEM. But who is the random long-haired person out of focus behind her? Stark soldier, or featured character?

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My Ice Cold Queen Sansa, I bow before your mighty red hair and political nous. She looks like she has zero f***s to give in this picture, so she could be listening to some old Northern lord waffle on, or perhaps be less than impressed by the Jon/Dany thing (I’m with you, girl). I can’t wait to see Sansa in action directing general life at Winterfell this season.

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I love her so much. Look at the notching on that cloak, it’s divine. She ain’t taking no shit. I need more scenes with Brienne and Tormund, and Brienne and Jaime, and hopefully a threesome (gurrrgggle) in season eight.

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Oh MAN, this is weird. Jaime Lannister, with not a hint of gold or red on his person. This is a man in purgatory, aiming to make up for past mistakes. You’re lucky Westeros doesn’t have Twitter, Jaime, you would have been cancelled years ago. I fully expect him to kill White Walkers, take out Cersei (either by accident or design), make peace with Tyrion, then shuffle off his mortal coil.

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It’s crunch time for Tyrion - his past, present and future will all collide in season eight. I believe he will survive the series and he’s certainly a fan favourite to end up on the Iron Throne himself. I can’t wait to see him reunited with Jaime at Winterfell, and how the brothers will take on their deranged sister. Plus there’s also his ongoing role as Hand of the Queen; can he stay Daenarys’ sometimes-quick-to-jump hand? Also, remember how he was creeping on Dany’s cabin during… gulp… boat sex? How will he deal with the Jon/Dany thing? (Probably at least in a more dignified manner than me).

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The Spider in black! Goodness me, I’ve never seen Varys out of his trademark beiges and browns! What can this mean? Varys is the ultimate survivor, so I’m torn between him making it, or his “luck” coming to an end this season. Also, is it just me, or is the placement of his hands a little suss looking? I guess it would be more suss if we didn’t already know there’s nothing much there to be messing with.

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The Onion Knight is an older man who is ABSOLUTELY SICK OF YOUR BULLSHIT.

May the Old Gods and New protect you, Ser Davos. I’m putting you down as the kind of character who’ll make a heroic sacrifice, but I really hope not. Once the Walkers are banished, Westeros will need your counsel to help rebuild.

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I know season eight is picking up where season seven left off, but… she doesn’t LOOK very pregnant, does she?

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Those golden battle epaulettes are SPEAKING TO MY SOUL. Somebody get Gendry to bash me out a pair while shirtless. I’ll supervise carefully.

Darth Cersei is very much isolated as we head into season eight. Her best friends are a creepy mad scientist and a semi-sentient mound of zombie flesh. Basically she’s a narcissistic, power-hungry wannabe despot with bad hair. The only thing that saves her from being Donald Trump is that she can speak in fully formed sentences and knows how to dress.

Cersei will, of course, die - but what’s interesting is when and how it will happen. Before the White Walkers attack? After? Will it be Jaime as long predicted, or Tyrion, as she has always feared? Or will her people turn on her as just another terrible ruler?

All I know is that I cannot bloody wait for season eight - and I have a super fun announcement about recap season this year that I am getting close to announcing! Stay tuned via my Facebook page.

Once again, my recaps are a key source of income for me. These recaps will always be free to read, but if you have spare change and can afford to, I’d love you to join my Patreon for the duration of the season. You can also throw me a buck or two via PayPal if you liked this piece. Bless you all, kittens!